Tired as a Mother.
I know… I know… Its been FOUR months since my last blog post and whewww chileeeee I’m so annoyed w| myself because I said that this year I was going to be consistent w| my blogging and creating content… and as much as I want to have an excuse… I don’t.. Butttt I’m back…I’m motivated and inspired to get back to it.
Okay…If you're looking for a life update.. I don’t have one other than i’m still a tired ass mama. Even after a year I’m still trying to find my balance {I want to be a 6AM girlie & Whole Foods mama sooo damn bad lmao}… but I’m still trying to find a good groove for when can I get little moments to myself to do things I truly enjoy without feeling so defeated and exhausted. The little moments I get alone I am usually just so burnt out.. I have no energy to enjoy or do things I want to do which is why it’s taken me four months to get a post up. lol …I usually try and do something for myself when the twins are napping during the day but…it has been running REAL slim these past couple of weeks because they aren’t wanting to take their afternoon naps anymore or when they do finally fall asleep its usually around 4..4:30PM and I don’t let them sleep past 5PM because umm hellooo BEDTIME. By the end of the day… when all kids have had dinner…bathed and i’ve straightened up the household mess…. BAAAAYBEEEE I am TIEEEED. I lowkey kinda feel like I’m still in survival mode and dealing w| PPD / PPA.
The twins are almost 16 months now and are BUSSSYYYY… I am constantly chasing after them… shoving my fingers in their mouth trying to get dirt, mulch, and whatever else that may be of a choking hazard out of their little mouths. Literally the other day I caught McKinley having a little taste of DOG poop… yesss…. DOG SHIT… I was ready to throw in the towel…my nerves were TOEEEEE UP.. you hear meeee?! Anyways… They are having two 9oz bottles of whole milk (I was supplementing Almond milk at first around 11 months but we realized they were not gaining enough weight and not getting all of their nutrients) and three full meals + 2 snacks a day. I actually have been enjoying getting them to try different foods because with Montana I was scared for her to try anything and now at 8 years old she is so dang picky and will only really eat chicken nuggets | strips and fries. Even if the twins don’t eat it I am still going to put it on their plate to “try”. Did I mention they are BUSY?! My house is pretty much baby proof and even thought I am constantly rearranging…tidying up they are little terroist and somehow still get into every EVEEEERRRRRYTHING… and they have PLENTY of toys that they don’t want nothing to do w|. If it’s going to cause them harm they are diving in head first…literally… all while i’m trying to prevent myself from having a damn heart attack. I’m starting to look for a part time nanny…for my sanity sake because it’s HARD yall… it’s so hard and EXHAUSTING my god! Just imagine for a second… Ideally, I would want a nanny to come for two days a week for like 3|4 hours and occasional date nights. I'll keep you posted on how that goes as to I am interviewing within the next week or so hoping to find someone that is reliable | trustworthy.
On another note… around the twins first birthday, I was feeling a bit sad… anxious… worried…and everything else under the sun. What’s next for Fran? Is it time for me to go back work full or part time?… Is it time to get the twins in daycare since they’re mobile now they need to be around other kids…Girl… you said you were only going to take a year off from work and here we are Chileeee ya time is up… lol these were just some of the conversations I was having in my head... looking myself in the mirror like what are you doing girl? What is next?
I had to stop myself and realize… YOU are right where you are suppose to be…YOU are financially okay…YOU are killing this twin mom thing…you are doing your best at raising THREE KIDS.. and you’re doing life w| an amazing supportive partner. I had to stop myself and THANK GOD for my beautiful life. Thank him that I live comfortably…Thank him that I don’t have to work…I realized I am living in my answered prayers!!! I prayed for a life of ease… or what’s the girlies calling it these days a “soft life”. I realized that this season I am in right now I need to cherish it and be a little more thankful. This season I definitely need to slow down and smell the roses.
Some days are harder than others… being responsible for THREE other human beings who look up to you to guide them can be overwhelming as hell. Days can seem lonely even when you have your loved ones near…and finding time for your spouse…family… and friends may seem impossible, but each each day I try to wake up and remind myself to just try my best….find some time whether its going to Pilates or just taking a walk around my neighborhood to take care of me so I can show up for my kids… my husband… my family | friends…
This post is not only my reminder but YOUR reminder to be grateful for this beautiful life…give yourself GRACE… and take a moment to stop and recharge when you need to and DONT feel guilty about it. Take what you need to take are of YOU always because if you aren’t healthy or balanced then how can you show up for others | things in your life.
xoxo
